Recently a new eatery opened in Night Harbor called “Happy Burgers” run by a friendly enough Ogre named Bob.
We investigate the ingredients, and sources, so you can decide: Is Happy Burgers right for your diet?
Bob’s Happy Burgers began operation seemingly out of the blue. We were unable to find any official permits, food safety inspection certificates, or list of ingredients – other than the proudly displayed “Now with 99% more gnome meat”.
We approached Bob, asking him to talk about his ingredient sources, and after a brief moment of contemplation, he replied, “BURGER.”
After being shooed out, we hired an operative to purchased a Happy Burger and we sent it for analysis.
The breakdown came back as follows:
Bun: Wheat, sand, water, salt, sand, pepper, sugar
Cheese: milk, source unknown
Lettuce: mostly leafy green, some dyed cotton
Meat patty: 37% Gnome, 15% Ashira, 45% undetermined, 3% shredded rawhide
All in all nothing unexpected and slightly better than the offerings from various shady vendors across Night Harbour, but not as high quality, or expensive, as established eateries.
Happy Burger can be found in various open horse stalls near the Wayfarer’s Hospice.